Sunday, 27 November 2016

I got a bunch of free stuff and that's why you should all buy Scotts Miracle-Gro products!

Like most folk that write a blog, I got into this thing off the back of a personal passion, a hobby; I wanted to have somewhere to write about something that I enjoyed and cared about which, in my case, was our allotment. I wasn't that bothered if people read it or not as I was just doing it for the sake of it, to keep a diary, that sort of thing. However, when a few people started to tune in, and when I got a few comments below posts, it was pretty, pretty cool. Soon the buzz that comes from this kind of low-level affirmation wore off, so I got onto google analytics to see just how many people were reading what I was writing. There were more than I thought! I felt validated, and sort of important all over again. It was great! After a while the thrill of this subsided, and so like any other self-respecting blogger I sought the only other means of asserting my worth as a writer and self-facilitating digital content-slinger: Free Stuff!

Free stuff is totally brilliant. If you haven't had it before then think back to the last time you paid less than you expected for something. Pretty good, wasn't it, yeah? Yeah! Now, imagine you didn't actually pay diddly squat for that thing! Can you even imagine how good that would have felt? Maybe you can or maybe you can't, it'll depend on how good your imagination is. If you can't imagine it, have a look at the picture of me at the top of this post. See how happy, validated and care-free I am in that moment? That's the power of free stuff!

The free stuff I got which I am writing about today was from Scotts Miracle-Gro, who are really just a brilliant company. I've hyperlinked their name so you can go to their great website! How it worked was they sent me an email, asking if I wanted some free stuff. Damn right I did! I emailed them back saying, "yes please", and they sent me a box of great stuff, which I am writing about now. Look at the picture below, it shows you some of the brilliant free stuff that they sent me!

These are the kind of free stuffs you can get if you blog
There's a bird feeder and some seed to go in it, some slug pellets, some rose and shrub feed, some stuff for repairing patches in your lawn and so, so much more! It's a veritable smorgasbord of shit-hot gardening products, and no mistake.

The only down side of getting free stuff like this is that you have to think of some words to describe it in your blogpost, which, lets face it, is a total hassle! Scotts Miracle-Gro were kind enough to send some press releases for the products in the box, so I don't even have to bother with that, I can just say exactly what they want me to! Good, eh? So, for example:

Spring into action! NEW SlugClear(tm) Ultra3 pellets provide a simple remedy to help gardeners protect tender plants, shrubs and seedlings from slug and snail attack this spring. Or...

Bringing Miracles Indoors! The NEW [dunno why NEW is always in caps] Miracle-Gro Houseplant Feed range brings the satisfaction and results of using Miracle-Gro plant feeds back indoors. Feeding houseplants has never been so quick, easy and produced such successful results.

You get the picture, their stuff is pretty much all brilliant. But don't just take my words, or rather their words, for it, lets have a couple of pictures which show me actually using their products so that you can totally see how using them would fit neatly into your own busy, modern life!

In goes the ChapelWood garden wildlife care wild bird food supreme mix!

I took this picture with the brand clearly visible
Soon after I took these pictures my garden was awash with every imaginable species of garden bird native to these isles, and even some that weren't, all of which would have probably perished and died if it wasn't for the delicious and nutritious ChapelWood bird food they were now feasting on. What a result! Thanks again, Scotts Miracle-Gro

So you're reading this and you're probably thinking "great, but where do I come in?" Great question, and let me answer it for you right this very bloody minute via the medium of the typed word. Here's the deal: in order for me to get more free stuff in the future, and then be able to write brilliant and informative posts like this about that stuff you have to go out and buy Scotts Miracle-Gro products. Don't ask me how this stacks up, it's just the way capitalism is nowadays. I don't think it matters where you buy their products from and you shouldn't have any problem finding them as they're completely ubiquitous, so go on: skedaddle! Buy!

I think they best way to sum this all up is to just take a minute together to think about what would happen if you didn't now buy any Scotts Miracle-Gro products. Maybe nothing would happen and everything would be fine, but somehow I doubt it. No, I think there would be consequences. I'm certain of it.

First, they might reconsider their blogger outreach programme. That could mean no more free stuff for me, and people like me. Secondly, and concomitantly, there wouldn't be any more blogposts about brilliant gardening products. How would you know what stuff to buy? You'd have to figure it out for yourself. I don't suppose you need me to spell out just how terrifying that would make your next trip to Homebase or B&Q!

Lastly, but not leastly, blogs might have to revert to what they started out as, namely a way for people with a genuine interest in something, and maybe just an ounce or two of ability to communicate that interest via words and pictures, to get their thoughts, experiences and opinions out into the world, free from the degrading and corrupting influence of capital. And this isn't just gardening blogs I'm talking about. This applies to all blogs, and the free stuff that the people who write them get! Restaurant meals! Make-up! All of it! Does that sound like the kind of thing you want to see? Do you want that on your conscience? Is that the world you want to leave to your kids?

No, didn't think so. And don't forget the bloggers. You've seen how happy getting free stuff makes us. Do you want to be responsible for taking that happiness away? No, again, I didn't think so. So get out there and do what you know, deep down, needs to be done: Buy Scotts Miracle-Gro products!

Thank you.

Scotts Miracle-Gro kindly sent me a box full of their products Nonetheless, all opinions expressed here are my own and are completely untainted by the generosity of Scotts Miracle-Gro: Exciting innovation from the nation's favourite gardening brands.


  1. I got the same box but unfortunately it was at the wrong time to use lots of it. I am using the bird food though. It is much more expensive than the stuff we buy in large sacks.

    1. I'm defo using the bird seed. The rest of it is moot.

  2. This did make me laugh, Lee, thanks.

  3. Replies
    1. Didn't get any of that. What do you use it for?


All comments gratefully received. Sorry about the word verification thing, but I've started getting bombed by spam.

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...